Cop Car Coffee

Season 6 Episode 1

 
Welcome back, you beautiful, misguided souls. It’s hard to believe we’ve conned our way into a sixth season of Cop Car Coffee. We're not sure if that says more about our sheer tenacity or your alarmingly low standards for entertainment, but here we are. Apologies in advance for the time you're about to lose.
This week, we're diving head-first into a summer that, frankly, we're not sure ever happened. We'll kick things off with the most dramatic and poorly-documented event of the past few months: Duff's triumphant trip to France. He’s going to tell us how it was a magical, life-altering experience, while we all know the reality was probably a lot of confused gesturing and accidentally offending local boulangerie owners.
We'll then get down to the truly important stuff: the Almonte Fair and our pathetic gardening results. Our green thumbs have officially gone black, and our "bountiful harvest" looks more like a post-apocalyptic wasteland of half-eaten tomatoes and wilted basil.
In a rare moment of local sports talk, we'll try to figure out if the Jays' playoff push is a genuine Cinderella story or just another elaborate prank on our collective emotions. We'll also ask the age-old question: where did the summer go? We suspect it ran away after listening to our last episode.
Finally, we'll take on some of life's most pressing questions. Is there a best coffee in Ottawa? (Probably not, since we just drink the stuff that comes out of a single-serve pod). We'll also pay homage to the legendary Derringers cover band, whose musical stylings are as exceptional as our opinions are questionable as our. And in a segment we're calling "Home Runs as Foul Play," we’ll be discussing those rare moments when you achieve something great, but only because you've been a total jerk to get there...not really, but did you see the nonsense with the Philly Karen?
So, pour yourself a lukewarm cup of disappointment and settle in. You've been warned.

2025 Special Summer Podcast

Oops you’ve done it again. You’ve successfully squandered another perfectly good summer hour with us here at Cop Car Coffee, and for that, we can only offer our sincerest apologies. This week, we plunge headfirst into a pool of conversational ineptitude, splashing around in a variety of topics we have no business discussing.
Our Lanark movie pick, The Gambler, starring Mark Wahlberg, leads us down a rabbit hole of poor life choices, both on-screen and off. We'll also regale you with tales of our disastrous gardening attempts, proving that our green thumbs are, in fact, simply soiled. DDT, in a fit of what can only be described as a self-inflicted 'make work' project, has managed to spend an exorbitant amount of money to fix something that wasn't broken. We dive deep into the thrilling world of costly, unnecessary renovations.
From the sun-drenched beaches we've never visited to the charming streets of France we've only seen on TV, we offer up our entirely unqualified travel advice. We then pivot to a topic near and dear to our hearts: the truly abysmal drivers of Ottawa, and how they single-handedly prove that humanity is a lost cause.
We try to tackle the heavy stuff—wildfires and the ever-present specter of government overreach—but quickly get sidetracked by the important questions, like "What's the deal with White Lotus Season 3?" We also solve the global financial crisis by concluding that money, in a shocking twist, doesn't matter. Finally, we wrap up with a collection of recipes guaranteed to disappoint your family and friends.
So, buckle up for this injurious waste of your time. We promise nothing, and we'll still under-deliver. Thanks for listening.

Season 5 Episode 16

We would tell you what we were planning to chat about this week, but it would be a complete waste of time.  Turns out, DDT got Duff sidetracked on multiple topics, which, although is nothing new, it took the show off the rails.
Bedankt tobthe dutch! Our listener is apparently form the Netherlands based on the latest metrics, but that's a story well covered this week. Duff goes live on Ontario Today when he couldn't resist calling in on the topic "When does revenge go too far?"
A week wouldn't be complete without Costco misadventures, apologies, alternative audio plans, and Canada Soccer...are we really as good as we think?
It's not too late after reading this intro to find yourself some alternative audio for the next 72 minutes, otherwize you're in for an injurious waste of time!
Commander Duff
 

Season 5 Episode 15

As the dog days of summer approach, Commander Duff and DDT ramble aimlessly about everything from Costco's Korean pork jerky to the singularity. We pretend to be experts on topics we clearly know nothing about, like artificial intelligence and libertarianism. Our attempts at humor fall flatter than a pancake run over by a steamroller. We spend an inordinate amount of time discussing haircuts and complaining about the cost of everything. Our political "insights" are about as deep as a puddle in the Sahara. In the end, we accomplish nothing except wasting an hour of our listeners' lives that they'll never get back. You're welcome, world!
Sorry...
We dive deep into the pressing issue of  jerky, because apparently, that's what the world needs right now. Commander Duff enlightens us on the intricacies of pool liner installation, a skill sure to come in handy during the apocalypse. We ponder the future of AI, clearly demonstrating our vast expertise gained from watching "The Terminator" once in 1995.
Sorry...
Our groundbreaking political analysis includes gems like "people vote emotionally," shocking absolutely no one. We solve all of Canada's problems by suggesting we replace elected officials with the "best people," as determined by a committee of magic 8-balls and fortune cookies.
Sorry...
Finally, we tackle the age-old question: "How many haircuts per year is too many?" The answer, like our podcast, remains frustratingly elusive.

Season 5 Episode 14

You've waited long enough and I couldn't stand DDT bugging me to post the cast.  He doesn't understand how people have to work and have busy lives, but I couldn't take it any longer, so here...sorry.
You are in for a treat however, we had a special guest on the show and no other than the originator of the Injurious Waste of Time slogan of our show.  Yes, the litigating alligator of a brother of a DDT live in studio.  Leaf fan supreme and general nice guy.  Other than DDT stories, we might have touched on the Burbon Embargo, NHL Playoffs, YOU season 5 (hum...just like US), DDTs abysmal lack of pool maintenance, chores and so much more.
We bring you Cop Car Coffee, an Injurious Waste of Time.
 
 

Season 5 Episode 13

Get ready for a wild ride as DDT and Duff tackle the big issues...and the not-so-big ones! Just in time for election day eve in Canada, everyone suddenly becomes an expert (on everything, naturally).
We ponder the profound question: how exactly does a skunk ruin a good campfire? (Spoiler alert: it involves more than just the smell). Then, we dive into the disturbing depths of Netflix's Black Mirror, questioning our technological overlords. Plus, we dissect Duff's Blue Jay's trip to Toronto and the new ballpark, with DDT's usual hilarious commentary and Duff's valiant attempts to keep things on track.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg! Prepare for unexpected detours, witty banter, and a whole lot of "so much more." Tune in for a podcast experience that's guaranteed to make you laugh, think, and maybe even learn a thing or two.
Thats' Cop Car Coffee!

Season 5 Episode 12

Greetings, fellow auditory adventurers, and welcome back to the podcast that boldly goes nowhere you particularly asked it to. First off, on behalf of the entire (one-person) production team, Duff and DDT extend our sincerest apologies for once again occupying a solid hour and a half of your precious existence. We know you could have been folding laundry, learning a new language, polishing your floors like Dean or finally figuring out how to properly load the dishwasher. Instead, you're here. With us. So, let's make the most of this shared temporal anomaly, shall we?
This week, we bravely navigated the treacherous waters of the Canadian federal election, dissecting the platforms with the precision of a toddler wielding a butter knife. We may not have provided any actual clarity, but we certainly offered some opinions, loosely based on things we vaguely remember reading. Prepare for nuanced political analysis that peaks with the phrase, "Well, someone's got to win."
Seeking refuge from the harsh realities of democracy, we then dive headfirst into the shimmering oasis of streaming recommendations. From gritty Nordic noir that will make you question all your life choices to lighthearted sitcoms that will temporarily make you forget them, we've curated a viewing list as eclectic and potentially disappointing as your last online shopping spree...or did we get to that today? Consider it your sonic tasting menu for the visual buffet.
For those of you who inexplicably care about bouncing balls and squeaky sneakers, we offered a brief, possibly inaccurate, recap of March Madness. Duff's CCC entry into the pools is still in the hunt.  We'll pretend we know the teams and players, and you can pretend you're impressed. The key takeaway? This is the only basketball worth watching.
In more practical news, we bravely ventured into the hallowed aisles of bulk-buying paradise to bring you a crucial Costco savings update. Prepare for thrilling revelations about discounted mayonnaise and the eternal dilemma of whether or not you really need a 50-pound bag of frozen peas. Our financial forecasting is slightly less reliable than a weather report from Winston (DDTs dog)
Speaking of finances, we dipped our toes into the exhilarating, often terrifying, world of stocks. Our investment advice should be taken with a grain of salt the size of a small car. Remember, buy low, sell high, and maybe consult an actual professional before betting your rent money on that artisanal pickle company...or anything on any market this week.
For our local listeners, we lamented the ongoing saga of the NHL Ottawa Senators hockey team. Hope springs eternal, much like the weeds in your neglected garden. We offered some armchair coaching that is guaranteed to be ignored by everyone, especially the actual team.
We also delved into the thrilling realm of the Ontario Gaming Corporation, pondering the existential questions raised by lottery tickets and the siren call of instant riches. Spoiler alert: the odds are probably not in your favour, but hey, someone's gotta fund those public services, right?
Then there was the segment on garage cleanups. Prepare for tales of dusty relics, forgotten treasures, and the overwhelming urge to simply set the whole thing on fire and start over. Our organizational tips range from "buy more bins" to "just accept the chaos."
Finally, we may or may not have discussed Hotel Jefe. Honestly, it was probably a fever dream at this point in the recording. If we did, we likely offered some highly subjective opinions on the thread count of the sheets and the quality of the complimentary breakfast. Which according to our call, leaves one thinking this is a must visit when in Vegas!
So there you have it, a linguistic summary as longwinded and pointless as the Ninety minutes of your listening life, irretrievably gone. We hope you were at least mildly amused, slightly informed, or perhaps just successfully distracted from your responsibilities. Until next time, may your streaming queues be ever-expanding, your Costco samples plentiful, and your garage forever… well, a garage.

Season 5 Episode 11

Welcome to your weekly injurious waste of time, the podcast that makes you wish you were not an Ottawa sports fan because you wouldn't have to listen to these segments.  Regardless we are here to guide you through the chaotic landscape of politics, curling, and all the ways to procrastinate while you're being productive.
This week we dive into the world of politics, where every decision feels like a game of curling- lots of sweeping, some strategic sliding and everyone just trying to avoid the rocks.  Speaking of rocks, did you catch the Sens as of late...rock solid.
Don't worry if sports isn't your thing, we got streaming recommendations with Duffs great pick and DDTs weird one, we have budget saving hacks, DDTs questionable decision making in home renos and so much more.
Buckle up, strap yourself in, you really need to because the quality of the next 100minutes is not likely to keep you listening otherwise.
That's Cop Car Coffee.
 
 

Season 5 Episode 10

As DDTs boyhood and adult hero Pierre Poilievre questioned the Liberal finance minister, we do the same thing with our new guest this week...Who are you?
If you got nothing else going on, please feel free to digest your weekly injurious waste of time, this episode jam packed with even more nonsense with our special guest. 
You got that right, live from Scotties, DDT was smitten to have his old buddy in the studio.  It was fun to be a Duff on the wall as DDT and the guest reminisced about their time many many moons ago in the studios of Algonquin College and beyond, and their contributions to the Tom Green Show. 
Always unpredictable, often mediocre and always an injurious waste of time, this is Cop Car Coffee.

Season 5 Episode 9

Welcome to 9th episode of the season for Cop Car Coffee, the podcast where bad decisions and questionable opinions are brewed fresh daily! This week, we’re diving into Sportsnets baffling choice to air NHL games in places that make zero sense, Donald’s utterly unique take on tariffs (spoiler: it’s not what you think), the hilariously bizarre origins of the Tom Green Show, and, of course, elections—because why bother voting if everything stays the same? Plus, DDT’s bowel movements, because... why not? If you’ve got time to waste and zero expectations, you’ve found your new favorite podcast! Grab a cup, settle in, and as DDT says... let’s get weird.