Season 6 Episode 1

 

Welcome back, you beautiful, misguided souls. It’s hard to believe we’ve conned our way into a sixth season of Cop Car Coffee. We're not sure if that says more about our sheer tenacity or your alarmingly low standards for entertainment, but here we are. Apologies in advance for the time you're about to lose.

This week, we're diving head-first into a summer that, frankly, we're not sure ever happened. We'll kick things off with the most dramatic and poorly-documented event of the past few months: Duff's triumphant trip to France. He’s going to tell us how it was a magical, life-altering experience, while we all know the reality was probably a lot of confused gesturing and accidentally offending local boulangerie owners.

We'll then get down to the truly important stuff: the Almonte Fair and our pathetic gardening results. Our green thumbs have officially gone black, and our "bountiful harvest" looks more like a post-apocalyptic wasteland of half-eaten tomatoes and wilted basil.

In a rare moment of local sports talk, we'll try to figure out if the Jays' playoff push is a genuine Cinderella story or just another elaborate prank on our collective emotions. We'll also ask the age-old question: where did the summer go? We suspect it ran away after listening to our last episode.

Finally, we'll take on some of life's most pressing questions. Is there a best coffee in Ottawa? (Probably not, since we just drink the stuff that comes out of a single-serve pod). We'll also pay homage to the legendary Derringers cover band, whose musical stylings are as exceptional as our opinions are questionable as our. And in a segment we're calling "Home Runs as Foul Play," we’ll be discussing those rare moments when you achieve something great, but only because you've been a total jerk to get there...not really, but did you see the nonsense with the Philly Karen?

So, pour yourself a lukewarm cup of disappointment and settle in. You've been warned.